June

It’s June already. I’m not going to pretend I don’t know where the time has gone, I just want to not believe it’s gone. I’ve been trying to shake a funk that settled in really deep and wouldn’t let go. I know I’m not the only one that deals with mental issues (I don’t like calling them that either hah), so I wish it didn’t seem so taboo to talk about. The world, the entire world and most importantly, our personal worlds, might be better places if we felt safer talking about these sorts of things as if they were as normal as talking about the weather. Without fears of being labeled crazy, weepy/whiny, or just weird. I know I’m weird, I don’t need any other help reminding people of that. I’m all about faking it until you make it, as a pick me up to myself. But when faking it just to make others feel like you’re a-okay all of the time, I’m not so into that. So hi, I’m Melissa and for the last two/three months I’ve felt like I’ve been trudging through mud to make it through my days. I don’t want pitty or sympathy. It is what it is and I’m okay with that. However, I have been taking a multitude of vitamins since my eating habits have been poor and they have me feeling rather chatty and the mud and muck doesn’t seem so thick.

With all the serious mental talk out of the way, I have managed to get a few things done off of the “crafting to do” list I made at the beginning of the year.

A garden! I absolutely never thought I would have one, ever. Until I found myself ordering lumber, had a huge truck of soil delivered, then a few seed orders arrived. I have baby tomatoes growing, y’all! The squash plants are huge, but I’m afraid they will be lost to bugs and borers. There’s christmas lima beans growing up an arched trellis. Sunflowers, zinnas, and cosmos are about to explode their color everywhere. I have never experienced being able to walk outside and pick, then eat, fresh food from the vine. This is so very exciting for me. Let’s hope I actually grow something edible, because I simply can not wait to have my first tomato sandwich from our backyard tomatoes. I’m imagining how blissful that will be.

The girls both turned another year older back in March. It was the week of birthday cake, that’s not a complaint. One requested vanilla and the other chocolate. I’ll have to find the recipe for the vanilla again, it was sinful. Bella talked me into getting them a little ten foot pool that we set up last week when this recording breaking May heat set in. It’s perfect for them to play in and for me to sit in or float around with them. Why did it take so long for us to buy one of these things. Totally worth it, though now I want a larger one.

Instead of enjoying the pool today, I’m going to enjoy the rain that’s coming. It has been several weeks since our last rain. What have you been enjoying lately?

unfinished things

There other day I was pulling out a basket of projects that I had just completely abandoned. I hadn’t even thought about them in quite a while. A sweater I finished last spring, it just needs a good soak and some buttons. Three cross stitch samplers that I’ve really dropped the ball on. Calla coasters that I made up for Christmas gifts back in 2017. They just needed their backs. Two other cross stitch samplers that were finished two years ago that just need to be framed. These are just the things that I pulled out that I knew I would want to eventually get finished. I didn’t bother with the ones I knew I would never finish. Like a bag full of crochet hexagons. I know with complete certainty that I will never finish that.

While I was doing this, I had the most morbid thought land on me like a ton of bricks.

If I were to die today, what will my kids actually have that I’ve finished.

My biggest reason for even “making” is to have something to pass down through generations. Unique handmade things filled with memories. My great grandmother made many things, and almost everyone in our family has something of hers. My children will have boxes of supplies. That thought really mad me sad. It still does as I write this days later. I don’t want to be remembered as a craft hoarder with nothing to show for it. There’s no use in a box of nothings.

So this year may just be the year for just being with all my making and trying to use up everything I already have in the supply closet. With the exception of a bit of fabric for some spring dresses I do want to try to sew for the girls. I can do this. What’s your reason for making and what do you wish you had finished that isn’t right now?

December

I was really trying to be prepared for December this year, but it just blew in like a tornado and was gone just as fast. We did do a good handful of things we wanted to do, and there were always cookies. Cookies make things better. Though I’m kind of happy that 2018 is now gone, I didn’t even make a list of goals or wishes for 2019. I know it’s not too late, it’s never too late - but I just want to “be” this year. I don’t want goals, pressure, deadlines, or anything that’s going to make me feel like rushing or possibly like a failure if I don’t complete them. So here’s to the new year and just being.

Halloween

I really love Halloween, but I’m also overly excited that it’s over. There’s so much going on right now, that I have no idea if I will survive one day to the next. I’m also not sure if we actually ate anything other than sugar on Wednesday. We started the day with pancakes and hot chocolates, and then finished the day with buckets of candy. Our friends have joined us in our neighborhood for the second year in a row. I really hope it’s something we can continue to do throughout the years. Everything is better when you’re doing it with good friends. How cute is our Hogwarts bunch?

Mountains

We packed up our car and headed a few hours north to western NC a few weeks ago. It’s amazing what a little change of scenery can do for you. The little place we called home for a couple of days had a stream flowing through the backyard. I may already be an emotional person, but just thinking about how it felt to be there makes my eyes weepy. Deeply breathing in cool air, seeing a sky filled with stars and not just the brightest ones, taking random walks on publicly open lands and trails - everything that isn’t exactly easily located where we are. Everything here in our immediate vicinity is private. I really need SC to take some notes from NC.

We spent a serious chunk of our time adventuring around the Cherokee portion of the National Park. I was, by far, the most excited person buying, and then getting stamped, a National Parks Passport book. I have no shame. The Oconaluftee River was simply magical. I daydream now of living in a tiny house right along that river.

Then there was Cataloochee Valley. It’s a beautiful place. A bit sad though, if you read the history on it. It’s a place you walk around and can only imagine what it was like to live there - but still yet knowing that the families that once occupied it, could still be living their lives out there if it weren’t taken over by the park services years ago. Of course that’s how it is for any and every other place and lands. There’s a delicate balance of visiting places and taking in their beauty, but also remembering and thinking of those that sacrificed dearly. I think it’s important to always remember them.

In the last few years I’ve seen so much stuff with the John Muir quote “The mountains are calling and I must go”. Do you know what I’m talking about? Yeah. I smirked at those kinds of things a lot. But I get it now. I think. I take back my smirk and snide comments on making something hip to make a buck. I’m ready to pack our little family back up and seek more adventures up in the mountains.